Up Close and Entrepreneurial

Wed, 10 Oct 2007

"I have definitely lost relationships because I'm a business owner," says Stajer, 33, CEO and founder of WineCommune.com, an online retailer of wine that operates under the brand JJBuckley.com. Stajer attributes long hours, high stress and the struggle to find work/life balance as a thorn in his otherwise flourishing dating life.

The same thorn has troubled Tyler Barnett. As the owner of a successful Los Angeles PR firm, Barnett Ellman, he has no problem meeting women. It's what he does after he meets them that's the issue.

"It's taken so much time, emotion and energy to get this business started, that I find I don't have that [to give] on the dating side," says Barnett. "I've gone on dates, but there's something always kind of missing from my personality that girls I dated noticed--and it was that I didn't have the energy to commit myself to a relationship and to the business."

Stajer and Barnett aren't alone. Many entrepreneurs run successful businesses, but can't manage successful dating lives. The bookstore is full of countless dating guides, but they contain little advice for the busy entrepreneur, who must play the dating game by a different set of rules.

Making it Happen
"It's tough to run a business and have time to date; it takes a lot of coordination," says Amy Schoen, a dating and relationship coach who understands the difficulty of dating as a busy business owner. She was one herself when she owned a women's clothing store, was single and looking to get married in her late 30s.

Schoen threw herself into the dating jungle and came out on the other side with a husband and a new career helping other people meet the right person. In her new book, Get it Right This Time: How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship, Schoen shares her tips on how to date like an entrepreneur.

Put your personal time on your calendar--and stick to it.
You make time for your clients, employees and everyone else--why not yourself? Make an appointment with yourself on your calendar and stick to it. Figure out how many hours a week you're willing to commit to your personal life--including dating--no matter how difficult it is.

"I can't tell you how many times someone has said, 'There's a happy hour at 7:00' and I think, 7:00? How can you be out of work at 7:00 and make a happy hour?" says Stajer.

Schoen says that you need to apply the same time-management skills to your personal time as you do to your work time. "If you're not making time for dating and relationships, it's not going to happen," she adds.

Be very clear on your goals and priorities--with the person you're dating and with yourself.
What do you hope to accomplish with dating? Are you looking for a serious relationship or are you just having fun?

Schoen suggests ranking the following priorities in order of importance: work, family, finding a life partner and getting married, community service, athletic activities, and personal/social activities. Be honest about what comes first in your life and date accordingly.

Tanya Marchiol, 33, knows exactly what her goal is. "I've learned over the past nine years that it's really difficult to have both [a career and family]. Now my mindset has shifted from perfect wife, perfect kids and white picket fence to really having an empire in my business and having somebody being able to fit into my life."

Marchiol is president and founder of Team Investments. As a former pro-volleyball player, she helps other athletes make educated decisions about how to invest in real estate. She's constantly surrounded by men, but is honest about the fact that her business comes first; finding a partner comes second.

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